i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
