The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
