dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
