dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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