her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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