im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
