I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i came on her dog
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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