Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
