standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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