their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
