I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
