He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
