my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
