I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
