The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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