Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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