You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
