Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize