My brain says no but my pants say off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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