Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize