never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
