I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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