Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
