If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
