He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
