Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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