Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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