If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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