fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
