Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
