ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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