I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize