tell your sister to shave her snatch
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
