hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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