Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
