the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
