so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize