she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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