Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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