I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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