I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
