youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
