How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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