census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
