Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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