If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
