census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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