Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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