Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
