I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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