i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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