I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
