I hate all girls vehemently.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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