I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
