god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
