i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
