I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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