P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
