We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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