u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This house was built for laser tag.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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