Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
