I think my fart just growled at me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
