in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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