im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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