Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
