So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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