Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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