When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
