Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
