cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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