his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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