You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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