Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
