Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
