By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
