im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize