He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
