You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
