So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
