Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
