he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
