Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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