I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize