Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
These tits shall not be calmed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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