It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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