i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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