physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize