genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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