Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
