so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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