Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
