At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
