Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
