Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
