Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
