I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have fence marks all over my body
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
