also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
