I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
