What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
