He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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