my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
