your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
