That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize