And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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