I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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