and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
